Stelhans

Stelhans is a man of a rare and dying breed : the open, honest and caring one.

This is why he is one of the very few in Europe who still has the ancient gift of communication with plants, trees and vegetables.

His house is full of unexplainable extraordinary flourishing plants and cactuses. Maybe his secret therapy is that every day, while taking care, he speaks to them in their native language.

As a result, when Stelhans leaves his home for a motor ride, all his plants go to a state of rest until he returns.

Last year, when Stelhans was away on a long trip , a notorious burglar was found in the middle of his street babbling nonsense. The police report states that he had some cactus needles sticking in his nose...

The same stange story goes for his motorbike : It rolls smoothly on any ground when Stelhans is in the saddle. Put someone else at the wheel and the motor will crash whitin 10m. Why ?

Already at it's birth in the factory it was a strange bike: at the 3e, 7e, 9e, 13e, 15e, 18e and 124e assembly stage there was always 1 piece left that could not be fitted to the bike. It had several previous owners including a 340 pound trucker before Stelhans found her in bad condition. Next day was as if a miracle had happened. There she was:  slim, shining, repaired and waiting to release her power on Belgian Asphalt and Kinderkopkes.

Who will tell, was it Stelhans' skills ore did the bike do it ?

Crammie an Stelhans were driving in France when once again it was not clear whether the credits go to Stelhans or the bike when by accident they demonstrated that it is possible to swim through a huge mudhole on a bike whiteout getting mud on your face.

But look at the rest : What a mess !

stelhansmud_kl.jpg (5950 bytes)

Back at home, during daytime there's a big chance you'll find him in his music studio stuffed with electronic equipment which he willingly adapted (mutilated) to his own needs while knowing that by doing so he made the valuable equipment worthless for the second hand market. He doesn't care, it's the music that counts.

When friends-musicians come by, you can expect a jamm-session till the small hours.

At any social gathering he will astonish everyone with his vast and deep knowledge of things.

After a while you will eventually discover his secrets so we'll give them away right here : he has no TV ! In stead he reads books ! Science, Philosophy, Technology, (non)Fiction, ... and ... he has a good memory.

Bye for now. Next time, I'll disclose some secrets about his relation to "Bedtime for Bonzo" the most legendary Belgian Underground band for the past 15 years. 

Now here it is  >>>

>>>   Bedtime for Bonzo

 

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What the official  report   doesn't describe is the long discussion between the 3 policemen over the significance of the 32 cactus needles being only in the nose of the burglar : The longest policeman said : "It is a symbolic punishment inflicted by 1 cactus stating : do not put your nose in other man's privacy"

The second policeman thought long about that. It was the smartest policeman who broke up the silence and said that this would implicate that this cactus is an intellectual, sentient being. The 2 other policemen agreed on that hypothesis but they could not concur about the morphing capabilities of such a creature. So the 3 of them individually consulted the W3 on their WAP mobile.

Within 6 hours of scrutinizing all criminal databases they concluded that there is no scientific prove that cactuses are intellectual, sentient beings capable of scaring off burglars. So they pulled out their WAP mobiles again and started consulting specialized scientists.

After a while they selected a group of 9 specialists and started an extensive exchange of 1024 e-mails, 256 digital photographs of the burglar's nose and 128 WAV recordings of the man's babbling. They even did send 96 samples of the cactus needles by ordinary post (!) to the 9 specialists.

12 months later the 9 specialists called the 3 policemen. Their conclusion is that the 32 needles in the burglars nose come from a hybrid cactus that has the ability to transform its shape but until now was not discovered in the wild and all attempts to create one in a specialized laboratory had failed.

And as there was no physical trace of a burglary in Stelhans' house, the police could not prove that it was one of his cactuses that attacked the burglar.

The burglar, after having extracted the 32 cactus needles from his big nose, is still treated in a mental institute for his unexplainable sudden obsession to give away things.

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